six things

It's been a long time since an update. And I have a lot to talk about. A lot to work through. A lot to try to bring myself to understand.

first thing:
I have this cousin who is only 9 months old. And I swear he is the most beautiful baby boy I have ever seen in my life. He doesn't cry. He only fusses when he is hungry. Any other time he is making noises or grinning or laughing. He is just splendid.

second thing:
I miss marching terribly... there's nothing like it.. nothing in the world like it. I was very good at it. I was very good at playing mello too..  There's an empty spot in my heart that marching used to occupy. Setting foot on a field, and doing a nine minute show, while doing 6 to 5's and playing with a full sound, toes up, foot roll, stab, change direction...  I miss going to bed and still being able to hear the dink dink dink dink dink dink dink dink... of the metronome... The cool metal in my hands... Seriously considering working my shoulder hardcore this summer and throughout next year so I could march Corp for just one year. I could do it.. I'd be good enough.

third thing:
College is weird. It's really weird. I didn't do my best my first semester...and I kinda hate myself for that a little bit. I'm better than a C in english. I gotta put it in high gear this semester so I can go into Lindenwood with a grip on all of this. Because honestly..It feels like I'm slipping a little bit.

fourth thing:
God. I'm bitter. And I'm scared. And I'm still hung up on one thing. For once it's not a person that I'm hung up on. But it's something I need to work through.

fifth thing:
Food. Food and I don't get along. We battle. And I'm pleased to say that for the past week I have completely been winning that battle. Yesterday was the first time in over a week that I got one bite into something and had to tell myself to keep going at it. Eating makes me so tired sometimes. But I'm working at it.

sixth thing:
I had a great time with my family at Christmas...But my family is hurting more than ever right now. I'll tell you about Matt next time I post, because all this talking is exhausting me right now. Just..if you read this please pray for him? He's battling a giant demon in the form of a bottle...